We have been watching you for some time—observing your struggles with each other and your issues caring for this magnificent, water-covered planet. We come, therefore, in a sort of peace.
We come, let’s say, to cool things down around here.
Those of you who survive will come to appreciate our beauty—one of your former leaders called us “living ice sculptures,” a description we love. At any rate, you need never worry about “global warming” again.
With hope for a tranquil future,
Your new leaders
It’s powerful lonely out here without you. The supply shuttle only lands once per hectoday, and each time I have to spend decadays rounding up the Jersey Lizards—they’re so dang horny for the plasma engines that they break clean through the ion fence. Meanwhile, the photonic chickens ululate so deafeningly that I swear even the gene-tweaked saguaros try to cover their ears. But it’s worth it, when the shuttle brings me your letters. I only hope I can earn your passage here before the next gigastorm wipes Texas clean into the Gulf o’Merica. You’ll love it here. Through this planet’s blue atmosphere, every star in the sky looks like the blue marble of home.
Missing you!
Beau
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