Tag: fish

Postcards: Don’t Wait Up

eskaftun
Image of tiny chefs placed on a cutting board among cloves of garlic and garlic skin.
Dear Elsie,

You know how Chef always says there’s no such thing as too much garlic? How I chop and chop and he tells me to get more, to crush it just so? Tonight I snapped. “I hope garlic crushes you!” I exclaimed. And then a trippy blur, like a cartoon dream sequence. Next thing I know, Chef and I are surrounded by garlic cloves the size of boulders. He still seems excited about how great his sauce will be. Sigh.

I’m on my way home, but the journey will take me a long time at this size. Please keep an eye out for your itty-bitty husband.

Love,
Darrin
Image of a boy on a bicycle being hit by a wave.
Dear Mom,
Last night I heard you say a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. You must be struggling without Dad! I love my bike, but the other kids say I’m slow and ride off without me. So I took it to the fish. It was scary at first, hard to breathe, but the fish told me to relax and I did. They all took turns with my bicycle and I got to ride on the handlebars. It was the best day ever. I think I’ll stay here. You won’t miss me much, since I’m not yet a man.
Love,
Benny

Want each of these postcards sent to your inbox as they are published? Sign up for as little as $3/mo.

Postcards: Thanks a million!

eskaftunLeave a comment

I have a patreon for these now! That is where you can see every postcard story that I write from now on, starting at $3/mo. One per week! Some postcards will still find their way here, but not all. If you enjoy these, I hope you’ll hop over to patreon and subscribe.

Image of a medieval fish wearing an Elizabethan collar and holding some foliage in the arm just in front of its dorsal fin.
Dear Aldrovandi Veterinary Clinic,
Thank you for operating on my fish. I was at my wit’s end with his soliloquizing; his rhymes were slanted at best and he was shaky on iambic pentameter. He’s quiet now, and the collar you provided keeps him from mouthing at the stitches. But they’ve opened up nonetheless—and an arm sprouted from the incision! Is this an expected side effect? He’s taken to grabbing whatever he can get his hand on and brandishing it like a sword, guarding it like treasure, or proffering it to other fish like a bouquet. He really is quite a strange fish. Any advice would be appreciated!
Best,
Philippa
Image of scale versions of the Kelpie statues in Scotland—large metal horses. A man is touching the snout of one of them.
Dearest Wizard,
It’s almost time. I couldn’t have done it without your spellwork to weld animating incantations into the metal. I’ve been tinkering with the beauties, building variations on a theme. My enemies think the two in the water are the largest. They think those and the “scale models” are the sum total of my “art.” No one knows how many kelpies I’ve raised. Gorgeous metal monsters of all sizes, who shall soon rampage and rid this island of my foes… and any unlucky bystanders. Consider this your warning: leave Scotland immediately.
With love and gratitude,
The Artist